How to even begin this letter? Can I say thank you to something that is a concept made real by a little baby and the life that it represents. Tears well up as there are so many emotions all trying to get on this page but will I do it justice?
a short period of rest or relief from something difficult or unpleasant.
Oh Respite Care you think that we are giving respite to our now new and dear friends (thought they might not know how dear they are to us), but in all actuality it is my heart that is getting respite care. It is my heart that screams I get to be a mom today... Thursday - Sunday. We get to be a family of 3, we get to feed, bath, change diapers, play, go to the grocery store, we get to do it all. We get to experience respite from the journey to parenthood. We get to have a little taste of how it will be, and boy let me tell you. We LOVE it. Going to the store to get baby food and walking around with little one strapped to me. Holding unto her like it is all a spell that will be broken. I glow. I truly do. I, Liza, a current barren one get to hold a precious little one. A little one that I didn't birth, nor that is related to me. A little one that knows me as the one that picks her up and smiles to her, feeds her and clothes her on certain days of the week. A little one so innocent that was removed from her family. A little one that is worth every single one of these emotions.
Dear Respite Care, you do not know but tonight you allow us to tuck little one in bed. To walk around proud like a peacock. We didn't do anything but say yes to a friend of a friend and are now heart deep in sticky gooey love for this respite care.... But Respite Care, you are supposed to be taking away from the difficult or unpleasant situation, what we have seen in the love of Mr. & Mrs. Foster Parents and siblings, this family you get to be a part of is hands down amazing. How they love, nurture, sacrificially give and love again. It is an art, one that Daniel and I want to learn. How can so much healing happen in my heart from caring for a little one whose situation is to not be with her Momma? I am the one getting respite care. Respite from the pain of death, respite from grief that sometimes swallows me up. And so tonight as my hubby makes baby cakes chuckle, as I strut my walk wanting to scream isn't this baby the most precious living being in the world. I get to hold her for today. I get to be her caregiver... I crumble because out of her loss I get to be a respite care provider.
And so dear Respite Care, thank you for giving me this opportunity to love. Thank you for allowing us to meet such amazing people. Thank you for showing us how Daniel & I will work together and parent together, even if it is just for tonight, tomorrow, for as long as we can. Thank you.