Friday, September 8, 2017

Heme Aqui... Here I am...

Growing up in Central Mexico our church used to sing this song titled, Heme Aqui which means Here am I. The song comes from Isaiah 6:8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!" For years I sang that song with hesitancy. I would and still do search my heart and ask myself am I truly serious about this? Would I truly say Here am I. Send me?

And now I am an adult and I often catch myself thinking of this song and asking myself once again will I truly go "Here am I. Send me? Do I dare say that? Do I dare say yes with Daniel to an emergency placement that will arrive in 2 hrs on a Thursday night not knowing anything really but that it's a 2 year old boy??? We had already said yes earlier this week to do respite for a newborn later on this month but now that one is pushed back till November... So do we say yes send us? Send us, use us, our hearts are willing to love little ones, to hold at night when they cry out for their parents? Do we dare say yes to being uncomfortable? To adding potential stress of adding one more member to our family that has already doubled in the last 6 months? 

And so yes, we said Here we are. Send us. Send us into the world of emergency foster placement, into the world of foster parents, into the world of respite care, into the world of parents who love their children but love substances more, a world where birth parents need extra help and a world where they can't tuck their little's to bed. A once barren couple loving them... A world where our hearts can break at the little eyes that look back at us soaking their pillow at night with tears... Till their breathing changes and their bodies relax into soft rhythms of sleep. 

I have cried... every time... and it's been hard and we are newbies at this. Newbies at being parents... Newbies in the world of foster care but one thing we are not newbies at is at loving... We love... We love fiercely, we love deeply, we cry... we want everyone to get involved in this tangible world that we are in. We want everyone to ask yourselves the same question we have been asking ourselves... When you say yes, not only does it rock your world, it rocks your whole family... It will show you the beautiful and the ugly in you... the selfishness and the redemptive beauty that God has created in us. 

And God in his every mercy has forgiven us and our faults. He continues to work to guide and love us as new parents. And after 3 years of waiting for a baby and after 8 months of doing respite care and after 4 months of being foster parents at Baby Cakes last court date her plan changed to ADOPTION!!!! As I type this I am in awe and my eyes fill with tears... We will be her forever family. She has our hearts and will now have our last name. The road to actually finalizing might take close to a year but that is nothing because she is beyond worth it!!! After so many No's we have our YES!!! I'm telling you life sometimes doesn't go as planned but heartaches along the way prepares you for parenthood... However that may look...

Heme aqui yo ire señor heme aqui yo ire señor enviame a mi que dispuesto estoy llevare tu gloria a las naciones heme aqui yo ire señor heme aqui yo ire señor. ~Marcos Witt